Letters To And From A Shadow Man ON HOLD
by The Mr. President
Summary: These are the obsessed ramblings of Cordelia, a BIG Julian fan, and the replies of a not very amused Julian. Poor Julian is being stalked by Cordelia but his reply to Cordelia starts to get her kind of angry.... Need to rewrite this.
1. Default Chapter

7/07/06 Author Note: I cringe as I re read this in all it's rubbishness but I thought I might as well leave it up. I might try and change it some time but to be honest I am to embaressed by it to bother.

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Dearest Wonderfullest Julian, 

It is I! Your most loyal and beautifullest fan. I bet you were wondering who remade you? Well, it was me! I managed to charm the rest of the Shadow Men with my good looks and womanly charms so they were only more than happy to carve your name back into the runestave…though I did have to use the 'Hey look over there!' trick to escape as they are way clingy and were doing the whole 'You are mine! I will never let you leave the Shadow World ever. MOH HAH HAH HAAA!' thing. That has been done **way** too many times. But you are most definitely welcome to do it. HINT HINT...HINT

Well anyway, I was just writing to enquire when exactly you are going to come and take me off to the Shadow World? No rush or anything but well, it's kind of boring out here in the normal world and the flocks of adoring good looking males who follow me around can get boring at times. Sigh… the only good looking male I need is you.

Also, I am slightly worried by the whole "Whatever else I did, I love you" phrase you said to Jenny. That was just a figure of speech, right? Or at least a mistake and you actually meant, "Whatever else I did, remember I used to love you but now I don't and instead love my most loyal and beautifullest fan Cordelia"? That's what you meant to say, isn't it?

Frankly, I still can't see why you liked her. Sure she was pretty…ish but I mean what did she have personality wise? All she did was use you for your good kissing skills! AND she even pretended to care for you when it is clear that if she had ever cared for you in the slightest she wouldn't have gone off with that skanky looser Tom. She has such bad taste. First, she goes out with a weirdo like Tom AND THEN she refuses to dump him for a much hotter and cooler guy. She must have inherited the weirdo gene too…

I am glad you weren't really horrible to Jenny and her creep gang…as that would been you'd grow up to one reeeal ugly Shadow Man due to the whole 'You grow as ugly outside and you are inside' rule. And the whole self sacrifice thing obviously wipes the slate clean (By the way, why couldn't Tom have sacrificed himself for Jenny? It's not as if anyone important would have missed him). Now you can stay my gorgeous Julian forever! Not that's the only reason I like you are anything…you know I only love you because you're perfect in an obsessive, possessive, protective and threatening kind of way.

Nothing else important to report, as what else can I say. To summarise, 'All I refuse and thee I choose' Julian.

Hugs and kisses,

Cordelia

P.S I have three very annoying younger brothers. You are welcome to take any of them to the Shadow World as well. They are very aggravating.

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This is all my long awaited author notes for this chapter: 

**Dogs die in hot cars**: I would willingly fight you for Julian! I too have done Tae Kwon Do lessons and similarly only went once then gave up because I had, at the time, a boy hair cut (it was a VERY long time ago. Like 5 or 6 years) and someone asked me if I was a boy. I was so upset I never went again. Oh the shame! Thanks for saying it was funny. That was the plan! Thank you for your review. I hope you like the next chapter too!

**Mental Twitch 'Sh33r's**: Thank you so much for putting this story on your favourites! That is so nice of you. I hope you like Julians reply in the next chapter...though I may have to work on it to make it more 'Julian'. The story wont all be letters and I think chapter 3 will be via a different method of communication. I wont tell you what! Thank you for reading.

**Incarnated-soul**: How do you know if I could get Julian so easily? I am sure I could 'Woo' him with my good looks. LOL Just joking. And I am sure Julian is secretly very keen on me...even if he doesn't know it yet. Thanks for saying I am funny, but I hope you dont mean funny as in funny in the head.That would not be so complimentary.

**untilhellfreezeover**: This is definately not novel material. Any publisher would most likely be severely worried by my strange babbling. I would be if I was a publisher. Don't worry, I am not trying to write a novel. Just something slightly funny (if I can). Hopefully it will all have a happy ending though, in which Julian will naturally ditch Jenny and get together with me. Maybe...

**Kiana Caelum**: Thanks alot for reviewing! I agree with you...Jenny is clearly should not have picked Julian over Tom (to put it mildly). I am still waiting for Julian to come and sweep me off my feet. I hope he hurries up soon. Seeing as I am finally 16 I can actually get married (with parents permission). YAY!

** Mizamour**: I'm glad you liked my story and I hope the rest of it lives up to your expectations. Thank you for taking the time to read my humble story. Do you like the second chapter as much as this one? I hope so! Are you a big Julian fan too? I love him to bits!

**Strezoka**: What a great review you gave me! You are so lovely. I'm so glad it brought you a bit of happiness and put you in a good mood. I hope the rest of the chapters are as good as you think the first one was! I'll try to make them as funny as possible. Thank you for reviewing as your review really made my day. Thanks again!

**Mousewolf**: Thank you so much for your inspirational review! What a brilliant idea. You are truly great. I hope the reply is realistic as I tried to make it as Julian as possible. Thank you soo much for the idea!


	2. Chapter 2

Author Note: Again, I don't think this chapter is that good but I thought I'd leave it up any. I don't think Julian seems "Julian" enough at all...would he even reply? Anyway, sorry if this chapter disapoints you too much.

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To Cordelia (if that is your real name), 

I already knew you were the one who remade me. You forget that I am pretty much all knowing. I didn't bother contacting you as, surprising though it may be, I am not going to waste my time talking to strange pathetic little girls of around 12 who stalk people.

You claimed to have charmed the Shadow Men with your good looks. Do you really think I am that I am stupid enough to believe you? I naturally have many spies and a trustworthy source has told me how you instead scared them off with your 'weirdo gene', as you so maturely put it, so in the end they bribed you by remaking me in the hopes that you would go away. And why would I ever want to take you to the Shadow World? Unless I used you in the nightmares of some of the Shadow Men who I am currently torturing for their grave mistake of trying to unmake me. Boy where they scared of you!

Adoring males following you around? The only male who would ever follow you around would be one of your little brothers if you stole something of theirs. I can honestly say I am not at all flattered by you 'needing me' and I am only worried that you may continue to stalk me, to which there is no point in doing what so ever as I only have one love.

I am not surprised in the least that you can't see why I love Jenny, as it is quite clear your are a vain, self obsessed little girl. And what would you know about my kissing skills? I am going to make sure you never get the chance to find out. So what if I am going to remain good looking forever, my true love Jenny would not mind if I did turn ugly anyway. At least I hope so.

The only reason I wasn't horrible to 'Jenny's gang' was because I didn't have the chance and now that I am alive again I fully intend too. Also, if you continue to write letters to me, you should expect of visit from me. And the trip to the Shadow World would not be of a romantic kind, though I am sure you would have loads of fun reliving all your worst nightmares.

You stating I am perfect only further supports my assumption that you are, in fact, a crazy stalker. By learning quotes I have said you only verify my belief that you are a sad girl who has no life and therefore spends it obsessing over me.

Your proclamation of love for me is clearly ludicrous. You have never met me and, if you forget your stupid obsession accordingly, will never meet me. Go find someone else to curse your fixation on. I suggest Orlando Bloom.

Julian

aka Prince Of The Shadow World (Soon to be King once unmake the rest of the Shadow Men)

P.S If your brothers are as half as strange as you, I will try to avoid them at all costs. Why would I want to meet a male version of you?

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I hope you liked this chapter! Please review with any comments, suggestions, helpful advice and constructive criticism. 

Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Hey this chapter is dedicated to you 1poisonivy - Genuinely would not have even thought about updating this story if it hadn't been for you.

And yes reviewers, I agree, chances of Julian replying to Cordelia, somewhat unlikely. But hey, let's all just use our imagination a bit here.

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Dearest most beloved Julian,

I know kisses are supposed to go at the end of a letter but I just couldn't wait. XxXxxxxXXxxXXXooooXXXXxxxXXX (Haha through some hugs in there too! I know what a cuddle monster you are).

Firstly, I would just like to say, again, how much your letter made me LOL. You are SOOO funny. For real. I was all "Oh that Julian, how funny being so sarcastic!' Because you couldn't have possibly meant any of those things you said. NOT EVEN ONE OF THEM. You were being sarcastic. Right? Right? RIGHT?

What am I saying. Of course I'm right. Because I know my snugly wuggly little Julykins is just the plum cutest little Shadow Man around. Aren't ya know just the cutest? *pinches his cheeks… Or would if she wasn't writing a letter. Ho ho ho (see I can make jokes too!)*

Awww shucks, now I know those Shadow men weren't afraid of little ole me. Maybe you got them confused, surely they were just frightened by their wild incontrollable passion and love for me, yes? Heck, I'm sure you can't blame them on that account. *wink wink nudge nudges* (Psst in case you didn't quite get that joke sweetums, I was implying that you are similarly head over heels in luuuurve with me – just like I am for you! :)))))))

Oh la! I can see right through you. Your mentioning of kissing skills is nothing other than a blatant attempt to get me to ask to judge your kissing ability for myself. Which I would be most happy to do so. *winks some more*

HOW adorable you're asking about my family! You want to meet them, don't you? Eeeak I know this might be a little tad bit quick off the mark but are you hearing what I'm hearing? If I know you (and I'm pretty sure I do), you are hearing them too. Wedding bells, unless I'm much mistaken.

Oh and I took your advice about meeting that Orlando Bloom guy! He thought you sounded much better suited to me and would I please please for the love of God continue going after you (and leave him alone… He also kinda put a court order on me to stay at least 50 feet away at all times. But that's besides the point).

All the LOVE in the whole entire WORLD,

Cordelia

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Ok. I will stop there... Haha not really ...

Hey... guess what time it is? Cuddle o'clock! (They're hugs. Not be going "OoooOooo")

P.S. Wouldn't you know this happens to be a letter? And you said, (this is a direct quote. More of less) "Please send me another letter my beloved so then I can come visit you". Or something like that. Feel free to instant message me on MrsJulian (Isn't that just the cutest name? I picked it out all by myself) and we can iron out the details of when you can come visit. Ooooh! *squeals* I'll get to show you the baby album of what are kids will look like if we morphed our faces together!


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